FMA talk show
by QuirkOfNature
Summary: A talkshow featuring the charactes from fullmetal alchemist!


**A word with Ed.**

Me: hello….

Ed: why're you staring at me like that?...

Me: no reason…*mentally disturbed smile*

Ed: *plays with automail*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOO YOU STIIINNK!

Me/ed:…..

Me: so, let's start. What do _you _want to talk about?

Ed: How I ended up chained to my bed and dragged here in a swarm of fangirls.

ME: oh yes, _that…_*evil grin*

Ed: AAAAAALLLL?!

Me: the fangirls have him niiiiiccce and comfy….

Ed: *narrows eyes*

Someone in crowd: I WANT TO TAKE YOU HOME EDWARD!

Ed: *scoots chair in a panicked way across stage* WHAT DO I HAVE SO MANY FANGIRLS THAT WANT TO DO EVIL THINGS WITH ME?!

PERSON IN Crowd: CAUSE YOU ARE SOOO…..*foams at mouth and dies*

me: ok then, let's get to what we all came here to see.

Ed:*looks terrified*

me: LOL, no we're not THAT evil…

Ed *still looking terrified*

Fangirl: we're gonna chain you to your bed again and-!

Me: calm down girls…well, mostly girls.

*Fanboy stands up and gives a speech*

Me: so Edward, what made you decide to get automail?

Ed: *silence*

Me: hmmm?

Ed: *silence*

Me: do I need to let out the fangirls?

Ed: No! no! I'll talk!

Me: good.

Me: let's try again. So ed, what made you decide to get automail?

Ed: well, I was young and stupid, and I thought if I could get limbs and join the military, I could return my brother back to normal using the research I found there. Like I said, I was naïve.

Fangirl: but that's what made you SO DARN CUTE!

Ed: *raises his sexy eyebrows*

Me: ok so let's get to some interesting stuff. Ed, do you think of yourself being visually appealing?

Ed: *puffs out chest* Yes. Yes I do.

Me: *sighs* you're so arrogant.

Me: ed, what do you consider to be the best thing you've ever done?

Ed: well, al and me did make winry a birthday present when we were kids, it was a little brown bear plush. We worked really hard on it, we didn't use alchemy.

Fangirl: I liked the part in book 17, chapter 76, page 24, panel 8!

Ed: WHO'S WRITING A MANGA?!

Hiromu-san: *jumps up* I AM!

Ed: SHUT UP YOU STUPID BOVINE!

Hiromu-san: ok! *sits down*

Me: now for a special guest…..

Ed: WHO did you KIDNAP NOW?!

Me: your _girlfrien__d_.

Ed: WHAT?! WINRY TOO?! *blushes and coughs* I mean, SHE'S NOT MY GIRL FRIEND!

Me: sure, sure…..

*winry walks onstage*

Win: hey ed! Is my auto mail ok?

Ed: yes, my auto mail is fine *glares*

Winry: oh, sorry, are YOU okay?

Ed: never better. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I'M STRAPPED TO A CHAIR!

WIN: *shrugs*

Ed: *still glaring*

me: let's spice things up. Oh, FANGIRLS, bring me Alphonse Elric!

Fangirl: ALPHONSE I LOVE YOU!

Al: *stutters* oh,, um, thanks? *fidgets uncomfortably and manages to look embarrassed through armor.

Me: Alphonse you are the DEFINITION of cute little brother. Do you have ANY FLAWS?!

Al: Well….. I prefer not to talk about them….

Everyone: HE HAS FLAWS?!~!?

AL: Everyone has something…..right? ( -3-')

AUd: LET'S HEAR EVRYONE'S!

BOOOM! *Wall crumbles*

FANGIRLS(who know Izumi's line by heart): _**WHO**_ are _**YOU?**_

IZUMI: ** I'M A HOUSE WIFE!**

*CHEERING*

*IZUMI sits down with Ed Winry and al*

Izumi: well I'VE got some flaws of the Elric brothers' to share!

Ed and al: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG! NOOOOOOOOOO! *AL hides in corner*

Me: let's START!

IZUMI: I'LL GO FIRST!

*Everyone mumbles 'ok…'*

Izumi: Ed secretly TRANSMUTES STATUES OF WINRY!

Ed: I DO NOT!

*WINRY BLUSHES*

AL: Your so cruel teacher…..

Izumi: you're not denying it though are you?

Al: no….

Ed : *Looks at Alphonse with a crazy look to him.*

AL: I'M SORRY!

ED: Well I know some of teacher's secrets!

Izumi: no you don't.

Ed: *pouts*

Winry: I'VE GOT ONE!

Even when Al was 11 he still wet the bed from time to time!

Al:* fidgets*

Ed: HA! YES HE DID! HA. HA. HA. * smiles crazily*

Izumi: *gives him the lame eyes.* you're just trying to get the attention away from you.

Ed: PEH!

*Granny Pinako walks on stage*

Pin: OH ALL OF YOU CALM DOWN. I've got some things about everyone here I could spill.

*everyone goes into hysterics*

Me: ok, let's change the subject.

Me TORTURE TIME!

*video screen lowers*

Me: al, your first!

Al: oh no,…

*documentary about kittens comes on*

Video: Feral mothers will often abandon a kitten if they are sick.

AL: *is already in tears*

Video: once abandoned, there is little to no chance of survival.

Al: nooo!

Video: * goes into the horrible part of documentaries where the food chain is shown* *hawk is shown swooping down and catching the kitten in its talons* and the food chain begins. *ENDS*

AL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ME: (crying) *sniff* al, I'm with you on this one.

Ed: ok, I don't like cats, but that was pretty awful.

Winry: that…that was BAD.

Me: Winry your turn!

Win: oh great.

Video: welcome tooooooooo, THE AUTOMAIL WRECKAGE SHOW!

WIN: NOIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

MOVIE: *BANG, CRASH, BOOM, CRUNCH*

Win: NOOOOOP0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_Half hour later…_

_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

*everyone looks tired and crazy, Winry is hyperactive still, and panting*

Me: let's move on.

Me: Ed, here's yours…

Ed: I CAN TAKE ANYTHING! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAA!

Me: oh really?...

Movie: MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK, MILK,MILK,!*shows pictures of milk*

Ed: NOOOOO! I CAN'T TAKE IT!

Everyone: *laughing really hard and pointing in tears*

ED: *looks menacingly at me*

Me:*hops up and runs away*

*with video still playing, Ed goes mad, attacking innocent fangirls, while hunting me down*

_2 hours later…_

*last of the cleanup crew is seen leaving stage*

Fangirl: EDO-KUN _**TOUCHED ME! **_I GOT_** TOUCHED**_ BY _**ED-CHAN**_!

*realization sets in over crowd…*

FANGIRL: HE TOUCHED ME TOO!

FANGIRL: HE RAN INTO ME!

FANGIRL: I GOT WHACKED IN THE FACE WITH HIS WONDERFUL _ BRAID!_

FANGIRL: …..*pants heavily while looking insane* WEEEEEEELLLLLL, IIIIIIIII FELT HIS _**BUTT.**_

Ed: *blushing profusely* DID NOT!

Me: hehehehe, so let's move on….so did any of you figure you had this many fans in this world?

Al: I Didn't even know there was another world!

Ed: I figured somthin' like this.

Al: did not.

Ed: DID TOO!

Me: GOD do you people ever stop fighting?!

Everyone: NO.

Me: ….alrighty then, now it's time foooorrrr, last but not least…. POPULARITY VOTES!

*audience takes out clickers*

ME: WAIT! NOT YET!

*Envy, Riza, Roy, Ling, Ranfan, Fallman, Armstrong, Maes, and Hovoc get on stage*

Me: AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDD,…..START!

*clicking is heard*

-later-

Me: and now the winner issssss….*looks down at card*….BLACK HIYATE!

*crowd chatters*

Me: all right, all right, it was EDWARD.

*unbelievably load cheering from one half of the audience*

Me: Second is Roy…

*other half cheers*

Me: Third is Alphonse AND Hughes….

*everyone cheers*

Maes: * kisses picture of Elecia and hold up proudly*

Me: fifth is Riza And Ling….

Crowd; YYYAAAAAAAY!

ME: 6th is Winry and Izumi, 7th is Envy, 8th is Havoc, 9th is Ranfan…

Me: 10th is …. Armstrong and Fallman!

*no one cheers, but Armstrong still rips of shirt*

Win: THESE POLLS ARE JACKED UP!

*everyone in the last places concurs*

*Ed and Roy are seen battling it out with glares*

*envy starts tuning into his true form*

*Winry gets out her trusty wrench*

*Roy puts on his gloves*

*Al protects his kittens*

*Izumi manages to look menacing while throwing up blood*

*ling orders Ranfan and Foo to protect him*

*Havoc lights another cigarette*

*Maes gets out throwing knives while guarding Eleicia's picture*

*Ed rips cloak off*

*talk show ends and lights dim, I'm left in a emptied auditorium with several of the scariest people looking at me menacingly*

Me: hahaha… well t-this was f-fun r-right?!

Ed: NO.

Envy: welllllll….. It kinda was….

Everyone: SHUT UP ENVY!

*Ends with everyone closing in on me*

**THE END**


End file.
